Labor of Love

Have you ever loved someone? I mean like really loved someone, to the point that every cell in your body thought about that one person that you loved? Have you ever picked a daisy and pulled the petals off while saying to yourself, “he loves me, he loves me not”? Well if you have then you know, it takes work. It takes endurance to truly love someone. Everyday you have to be committed to loving who they are, no matter how they have changed. When I fell in love I knew he was the one. I knew that we would get married and build a family together. But I was blind to all the things that would come.

Some years ago I was pregnant and I was a piece of work. You didn't need to tell me, I already knew. One night I wanted food from Sonic, it had to be past midnight but I wanted the boneless asian wings with mozzarella sticks and a 16oz Ocean Water. I was so pregnant. I was overly pregnant. My back ached everyday and my stomach weighed a ton. I was in agony. I turned to my husband that night and I gave him my Sonic order and he left. Out of all the times I have asked for something and the answer had been no, this time there was no hesitation. I was shocked, I did not understand why he was so willing. He told me years later that it was because he loved me. Even though I was a thorn in his side most of the time, he still loved every part of me. At a moment in my life when I could not change my circumstance or cure my agony and I was difficult to be around, he still loved me and showed kindness towards me.

In a world where society is already cruel to many we must learn to love ourselves more than the people that love us. Even when we look in the mirror and we talk down to ourselves or we pick apart our bodies, there is still someone that loves us. I cannot explain to you the feeling of standing in the mirror and pulling at my stomach and my daughter walks in and tells me that I look beautiful. No matter how hard we try to find a flaw, there is someone that loves that flaw more than they care to admit. My husband sees strength and beauty in my stretch marks and now I no longer look at them and call them ugly. We must find beauty in the things that make us who we are and learn to love ourselves at every stage in life. I got to be 218lbs when I was pregnant and the biggest I had ever been in my life was 175lbs. So I hit rock bottom emotionally. I failed to realize that I birthed a healthy and beautiful child and that my body was recovering. I criticized my body before I was even out of the maternity ward. Had I taken the time to love myself at every stage I could have saved myself some heartache. I want to love myself the way my child loves me, the way my mom loves me, the way my husband loves, most importantly the way God loves me. I want the endurance to love myself when my hair isn't done. I want the passion to love myself when my weight isn't where I want it to be. I want to love me unconditionally.